Ugh. I hate being in limbo land, but it’s my reality currently. It’s frustrating. Doc says to wait for specialist to call, I waited all day on the 12th and then called them on the 13th. Nothing. They tell me the specialists need to review my file yet and that they should get back to me “soon”. What is “soon”? How long is “soon”?!?
We (Aaron and I) called the offices three times with no answer. Then finally on that Friday, while on my way to my normal doc appt, they call and set up an appt for the 18. At this appointment they decided to put me on progesterone. They are hoping that this will help keep me pregnant and strengthen my cervix. Doc also said to restrict movement even more, sitting up minimally and mostly laying down.

I’m now 2 days away from my second peri-specialist appointment and I’m hoping they can tell me it’s working. This bed rest is taking a toll on me, but family and friends have been amazing. Coming with meals and visiting. . . I can only watch so much tv, watch movies, read books and surf the net before I go insane. So I’m grateful for the visits. Until Monday I continue bed rest and remain somewhat in limbo land.

This is a bit more of a serious post, so if your not looking for serious you may want to just bypass this post and check back on another day.

My husband leaves on trips from time to time and when he leaves it super hard for me. I try to hold it together and try to say strong, but i can’t. I usually loose it and bawl, it’s just something I do. He’s so caring and loving, he always holds me and trys to comfort me. But there’s the inevitable he has to go, and has to say good bye.

So this past Tuesday (june 21) he left for a 10 day trip and the whole routine happened again.
Side note: i’d been a hormonal mess all morning, i’m blaming it on the pregnancy! And I’d been ralphing all morning. . .so all in all i was having the worst of all mornings and just wanted to be home with him.
I got home at noon a blubbering mess already, and was trying to hold it together because i didn’t want to make him feel bad for leaving. But again, i just couldn’t and started to bawl. UGH! But for the first time I realized something, after the fact of course, in the process of saying my good-bye to my hubby I realized my mind was saying good bye for the last time.

Here’s what i realized, it’s so hard for me to say goodbye to the people I love deeply, because the very last time I had to do so was when I had to look into my aunts’ eyes knowing it would be the very last time I would see her and say goodbye. She died of colon cancer and was someone i admired, loved, respected and looked up to since i was a little girl. It’s like that moment left an imprint on my heart and mind and forever changed me. For the good and bad.

I realized that for some wacked out reason my mind was connecting saying goodbye to Aaron like saying good-bye for the last time and that it would be the last time I would ever see him, ever. I know, i know it’s crazy. . .but crazy how the way our minds can unconsciously connect those invisible dots, that don’t even exist. I obviously know that Aaron isn’t dying or that it will be the last time I see him (I mean I guess it could be), but for some reason that’s what my mind was telling me subconsciously.

I have been better since, still missing him but not so much a blubbering mess. HA. Plus i have a pretty cute snuggle buddy who keeps me company while he’s gone.

Have a good one and make it beautiful, even if it’s a mess.